It feels like it's time to say something about the new man in my life, Philipp. I've been hesitant to do so for fear that it might affect the relationship negatively somehow. Or maybe I just don't want to have too many of his fingerprints in my life in case it doesn't work out. At least that was my initial attitude, which I think is a fairly sensible one at the beginning of a relationship with mostly unknowns. Now I find myself more comfortable with the relationship and his fingerprints. I'm not sure why; the relationship is still very new.
After much preamble, what exactly am I going to say? I feel like I want to keep him and everything about him close to me, not even letting it leave my fingertips. I will say a few things though. I appreciate his affectionate nature very much, and I don't mean that in a sexual way. He likes to hug and hold hands and things of that nature. It means a lot to me because physical touch is the mode by which I understand love the most, and I've never been with anyone who appreciates it as much as I do. I've come to realize how important it is for me, and I feel so blessed to have a man in my life right now who fulfills that need. I'm also very impressed with his level of integrity and desire for holiness. It's something that is very important to me that I unfortunately put on a shelf in past relationships. He is placing importance on it in our relationship, which I really respect. I also respect him for where he is in life with regard to his career and providing for himself. Now on to superficialities (I don't know if that's a word, but I like it and I believe it sufficiently conveys what I'm trying to communicate :) . I find him very attractive. He is very handsome and also very confident. He dresses really well, which I'm also not all that used to, but appreciate VERY much. What else can I say? He's older than me, Christian, a good singer (he leads worship at his church), and a good cook. There are so many good things about him, and sometimes I'm left wondering why he's with me exactly. I mean, I know I'm a good person, but I'm wondering what he's attracted to specifically. I was thinking about it the other day and I couldn't quite figure it out. Perhaps if I really want to know I should ask :)
3 comments:
There's something about finding someone who seems to 'fit' with you that's comforting, isn't there? Does it feel good, beginning to allow yourself to feel again... to allow someone in, and to give of yourself?
I tell you, Love and Forgiveness go together like... well... peas & carrots (that Forrest Gump was a genious!). As you open your heart to forgiveness (giving or receiving), it gives you more room to love. God has a great system in place for us, doens't He?
:)
Jill,
I really enjoyed what you said about physical affection. I've thought about it alot, being a pretty physical person myself, but I really liked these words: "It means a lot to me because physical touch is the mode by which I understand love the most, and I've never been with anyone who appreciates it as much as I do." Somehow that makes sense and is what I wish I could convey, or had conveyed, on a couple of occasions...
I'm glad I could say it in a way that makes sense :) It took me a long time to even realize that was the case for me, let alone figure out a way to verbalize it :)
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