Humiliation: Up Close And Personal

Have you ever come close to doing something very embarrasing? I have, and I had this close encounter with embarrassment very recently. Have you ever almost asked a 39-yr old married man with 3 kids out for coffee? I have, and I almost did this very recently. In fact, these 2 events are one in the same. Isn't that crazy? I thought he was single (he wasn't wearing a ring), and I had no idea he was that old. I mean, I figured early 30s, but 39? But, the truth of the matter is, he is so nice and so attractive that his age doesn't bother me. Unfortunately, I couldn't quite get past his marital status and the 3 kids thing. I also thought he was interested in me, but it appears I had misinterpreted his behaviour. So, I almost totally embarrassed myself, but thankfully those valuable pieces of information were divulged before I had gotten up the nerve to do so. I don't really regret it though. At least I'm not going to go through the rest of my life wondering what could have been. And now I can be proud of myself for being willing to go out on a limb like that. Plus, it has been kinda fun and it makes for a great story :)

The B-Day

I've been kinda avoiding talking about this, but I feel pulled to do so. I feel like I can't just ignore it like it never happened, but at the same time I feel like this is shameless advertisement. But after some thought I realized it wouldn't stop bothering me until I went through the cathartic process of writing about it, so here it is. I find birthdays are a funny thing. At least they are now to me. Growing up, my birthday was always quite anticipated because of all the gifts I'd be getting. Admit it, it was like that for you too :) I'm sure I went around letting everyone know it was my birthday. But now it's different. This year I've been very hesitant to tell anyone it's my birthday unless they ask me. I like getting gifts, and I am always so blessed when people give to me, but I honestly don't care if I get any. At least I care less about getting gifts than about people feeling obligated to give me something because I've just informed them that it's my b-day. I never want anyone to feel obligated, pressured, or burdened with "having" to get me a present. But I like the idea of people knowing when my b-day is. Just having someone know it's my b-day and saying a simple "happy b-day" means a lot to me for some reason. I guess I just really want to be known, and it seems to be that you have to be close to someone before they'll even remember your b-day, let alone know when it is in the first place. Anyway, I am thankful to the Lord for giving me life, even if no one knows that today was the anniversary of that amazing gift from Him to me. I think this is part of the process of taking the focus off of myself and putting it on those around me. It has to do with appreciating what I have been given, especially those intangibles, as opposed to wanting material gain whenever possible. Because, really, I'm not sad that very few people knew it was my b-day. In fact, I am so blessed by all the people in my life. So I'm a year older and life is so much better now than it was a year ago :)

Things Are Not Always What They Seem

This may look like a normal picture of me with a flower in my hair, but that is not the case. It's actually a picture of me with a part of an orange peel in my hair. Funny how we take for granted what we experience as fitting into our cognitive molds. But things are not always what they seem. I'm finding that out more and more as every day goes by. I think I know people, I think I know how things are supposed to go, how things will go, but I'm finding out I'm wrong. I keep asking myself when things will become normal again, but I'm wondering if I even know what "normal" is. Is normal to me what I've perceived so far in my lifetime? Who's to say that what I have perceived is even reality? I'm more likely to lean toward my perception not necessarily being equal to reality, especially when I consider the spiritual realm. I find I live very much in the natural realm, but I think the spiritual realm is more real than the natural, and that the spiritual realm actually dictates the natural realm. So even in that sense my perception isn't necessarily reality. I try and understand what's going on in my life and I find myself with my guard up in order to avoid being deceived because I realize I don't fully know or understand what is really going on. But there is one thing that comforts me in all of this. It's God. I know He's taking care of me. I know He's here for me. I know He knows what's going on. I just lean up against His chest, close my eyes, and drink Him in as He tells me I need not be afraid because He will never leave me nor forsake me. And I am comforted for in Him I have found reality, I have found truth.

Dippin' Dots: Ice Cream Of The Future

This was at McDonalds in Portland on the way back to Canada. We stopped for a little breakfast snack when I saw this sign and was immediately intrigued. To me it looked like ice cream for astronauts :) It was such a foreign concept to me that I had to give it a try. It's like little balls of ice cream, but somehow it doesn't melt right away even though it's cold. I had dropped some on my shirt and had plenty of time to pick it up with my fingers and put it in my mouth before it melted. Thinking about that afterwards made me wonder what on earth they could have put in there to make this a possibility.

What To Say

I feel like I have a lot to say, but no words with which to say it. Have you ever had that? I'm having a hard time verbalizing what I'm feeling inside. Well, I'll give it a shot anyway. I'm feeling very hopeful about relationships once again, in particular romantic relationships. Now that isn't because I've got something romantic going on in my life, because I don't. But I think God is healing my heart and reminding me of the joy that comes with having a special someone in one's life. I had forgotten about that. I feel like I'm ready once again for a relationship, but I'm not being proactive about it, nor do I plan to be. I'm happy with being me again and having an infectious quality of joy, a contagious laugh, an almost permanent smile on my face. I don't need to worry about finding someone to be with because I'm surrounded by wonderful people. But once the opportunity arises, I do believe I am ready for it, and looking forward to it :) God really is good to me :) I know I say that a lot, but I mean it just as much every time.

Today has been interesting. I spent a couple of hours outside in the cold and snow helping hand out brochures. I got really wet and really cold, and we didn't finish, but I still consider it to have been a good experience. I always value the times in my life when I get off my lazy backside and do something for someone else. Then I came home and had a couple of good conversations with some good friends before plopping down in front of my computer to check out the social scene online. While I was reading up on what other people have been saying I stumbled across a link to another blog by someone I don't know. But I was fascinated by what I read. It was the basic story of this person's faith, it's ups and downs, and they were completely honest with their experience. I guess what was so interesting to me was that even though I didn't agree with everything they had come to conclusions about, I found myself appreciating their "realness". They weren't trying to sugar coat anything or convince anyone to share their faith. They didn't make excuses or try to come up with reasons for why things have been the way they have been. They had seen what true Christianity looks like and desired to live that life. And, most importantly, after all was said and done they chose to have faith in God. They chose to be faithful. They chose to give their life understanding that it wasn't always going to be about feelings, but it would always be about the choice. I was very impressed with that.

He Called!

I was pleasantly surprised :) I guess I need not feel cynical about this anymore :) It was quite hilarious because he called probably around 1/2 hr after I put up the post. Then he actually came over to give me the pictures from our trip (this is one of them :) This is going much better than anticipated :) I've got a new friend, and the best part about it is I feel so comfortable around him. I can really be myself, as crazy as that might be :) God is good :)

Will He Call?

I just returned from a week long trip to California a couple of days ago. I went with a friend of mine and we became pretty close, being joined at the hip and all. But now that we're back to our normal lives, I haven't seen him or talked to him. Both of us did say that we feel we've gained a good friend in one another, and he did say that he would call me, but there's a part of me that thinks he won't. Now, don't get me wrong, this has nothing to do with anything romantic. This is completely platonic. But I have grown to care for him very much and I value his friendship. I'm just at a loss as to where it's going to go from here. In all honesty, I'd be more surprised if our friendship ended up growing and becoming stronger than if not, and that has nothing to do with him. He's never given me a reason to think this, but it seems experience would dictate that we won't end up spending much time together, we'll drift apart, and the only thread we'll ever have is the trip. That is somewhat disturbing to me. What has happened that makes me assume the worst instead of the best? I'm not saying I don't have good, close friendships. I guess I'm just lamenting over the fact that my natural response to this situation is to expect our friendship to fizzle out and die instead of grow stronger, and that I don't think I'm totally unjustified feeling that. I would really like to see us become close friends though. I guess we'll see how it goes. Worse case scenario, I could always pick up the phone and give him a call :)

Door Slammers

I have come to discover my extreme dislike for people who slam doors. Why would one do such a thing? How immature does one need to be in order to go around slamming doors in an infantile attempt to communicate? Door slamming really makes my blood pressure rise. I think my extreme distaste for the afformentioned was instilled in me as a child when I would be chastised by my mother for doing so. This makes me wonder if door slammers are never taught by their parents not to slam doors. Or maybe they are just very inept socially. At any rate, I wish people would stop slamming doors and speak english.

What Do These Things Have In Common?

Ok, so you may be wondering what God, Hot Wings, and Dr. Pepper have to do with one another. Well, I'm going to tell you :) They are all necessities in life, and yet they are also the finer things in life :) They are a few of my favourite things. God is definately the most important of the three, He is the very air that I breathe. I don't know if I could rank the other two. Both are very important to me :) Hot wings bring much needed spice to my life, and Dr. Pepper is so sweet :) I was introduced to hot wings by a friend of mine (Penny) at a Red Robin restaurant in my first year of university. My life has never been the same. I also discovered my love for Dr. Pepper in my first year of university, but how that happened isn't as clear to me. Perhaps that is because life before Dr. Pepper is meaningless so why remember it? :) Ha, ha!

Here I Am

I've been hearing and seeing a lot about this Blogger stuff lately, so I've decided to check it out for myself. When checking out the website I was told the best way to do this was to start my own, so that's what I'm doing. And I must admit I'm really enjoying myself :) This seems much easier than trying to keep up my own website, so I think I will convert. Hallelujah! I hear the angels singing :)

I'm at an interesting point in my life in that everything feels kinda new. I suppose that's what happens when you end a 3-yr relationship that was dragged kicking and screaming into 4-yrs. The good news is that I'm enjoying this invigorating sense of freedom and change. I would liken it to the freshness of an early morning in spring when there is dew on the ground and a hint of light in the sky. I'm not sure exactly how warm or how bright the day will be, but it's looking promising :) This is God's goodness to me :)